While sex is fun, most of us are going into it with a particular goal in mind — and that very goal is all too often evasive. Why is it that we can easily get off one day and can't orgasm during sex the next? It turns out, a lot of what may be blocking your ability to achieve an orgasm has to do with what's going on in your head. Whether we're spending too much time thinking about (or even obsessing) about that orgasm, or stressing about any other part of our day, that's not going to help us get there. How can we enjoy the journey if we spend our whole time obsessing about the destination?
The best way to have an orgasm is probably to stop thinking about whether we're going to have one. Same goes for a partner who asks “did you come yet?”. It’s not just annoying, but the pressure to orgasm can actually have a counteractive effect. How rude.
But that's not all. There's a lot standing in the way of our orgasms, and we consulted the experts to figure out exactly what we can do to make it to the finish line without any more of these distractions.
1. Trying too hard
When you chase your orgasm you’re no longer in the moment, or in your body. "When you get caught up in anticipation (or worse, apprehension), you bring tension and stress into the body, the opposite of your desired outcome," says "sex geek", writer and activist Katrina "Rainsong" Messenger of The Good Love Project. Surrender is a part of orgasm, so just let go as much as possible.
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